One fine day

The winds blew as she kept dancing to the rythm of the winds. I looked at her for a second, and had to remove my eyes immediately, what if I cannot move my eyes at the right time?

The clouds became black, it started to drizzle. She got wet and looked incredibly beautiful just like always. Once again, just like everyday I fell for her, and once again I could not gather the courage to tell her. Tell her that I love her with all that I have, tell her that I would never let you go, but I did let her go today too. Once again, I promised myself to gather the courage to love her, to hold her in my arms and not let her go ever again. Someday, again, when the clouds will be black again, someday when she will be there with me, someday when my heart will ache enough to let the love come out from my heart. I promise, someday, I will.

        

                                                              *******

  

One fine day, we might fall apart; have no contact with each other. 

Neither will there be any eye contacts or embarassing smiles, things won’t be the same, pulling your hair won’t be that easy after/if we meet a decade later. I won’t blame anyone of us, I will rather, just be happy that I met you, and will be grateful that I was a part of your life, part of such a cute, innocent, human relationship one can ever embrace with so much ease and I will smile because it happened.

 I will feel grateful enough to be a part of you. Nothing remains constant, but still, you turned out to be the best thing anyone could ever have. May be one fine day we will never talk again, it will be a lie if I say it won’t hurt.

More than a luxury, you have turned out to be a necessity. You are that one glass of water that I need to sustain my life every day.

And every time I fall, you hold my hand tight enough to make me stand straight. Just like you are there for me I am there for you too. It’s not like I’ll die without you, but that I will be much better with you. And the only day I fear is the day of losing you forever.

But, one thing keeps us going, is how we love each other with our eyes open, and not blindfolded. And whatever we have, trust me, it’s too ahead of time, and it’s too good to even have a label.

                                                         *********

Waiting for her never felt like waiting.

I stand in the exact place, listening to songs and waiting for her.

There were some rare times when I was late.

As I was walking, I saw her from a distance. I was late, but I stood there to look at her.

The morning golden sun fell on her hair, making her even more pretty.

Doesn’t matter if she ties her hair, keep it open, wears a dress, or just a t-shirt and denims. She looked incredible.

I do this a lot. The days when I am late, I stand, and look at her.

Look at her standing, listening to songs and mildly dancing on the tune in the busy street.

“ You are late.”

She made angry eyes at me, making her even more cute.

“ I am not late, you are just early.”

I said.

“ Anyways” I knew what she would say.

“ Its not anyways, its anyway, just like anyhow...”

My usuals that I always say.

“ Doesn’t matter, okay?

Tell me I look pretty!!”

She said.

“ You look shitty.”

She knew I actually said something else in my mind.

As I booked the cab, I thought.

She is like that wind before the heavy rain, the sweet wind that make you feel special, make you live in the fairy tale, make up your mood even if you want to die that very moment.

I was like the boring rain without wind.

Raining, pouring water without any purpose.

The wind made the rain much more beautiful, the rain that made you feel special, made you feeli yourself in a fairy tale.

I went on telling her how much I hate her, and how shitty did she looked.

                                                              *******

 There she was, far away from me. I saw her, looked at her. It started with a smile, it was heaven to look into her eyes and smile a bit more. It was something else, staring at her and wanting to stare more. She was kind, one, who could make you happy just by the way she smiles at you, or by the way she waves at you. Her silliest jokes could make you cry of laughter. It wasn’t a difficult task to fall for her, to want her. Conversations became intense, feelings became deeper. So deep, that I never knew that I was drowning in that, everyday a bit more.

Again, it all ended with that smile, waving goodbye to me.

I realised, it was a fairytale, and fairy tales do not happen.

Avalanche

I am like those leaves that fall from the tree, they look beautiful but yet no one takes me home, they crush me with their feet just to hear the crushing sound, they move me aside to make themselves way, they brush me away so that my crushed pieces does not make the tree look bad. Yet, the tree stays in its place, strong, bold, steady, just to make sure more leaves come out of it. For you to crush it.
                               
                                                            ******

It happens every night, the nights are the worst part. The days pass, with so called, "happiness" on my face. My heart knows how it has been bleeding, not because she is not talking to me, but i am the reason that made our relationship toxic today. I have made it so toxic that there is still the hangover, its just not going away, the crocin seems to be too weak to handle it, the beer can’t do anything alone, neither the cigarette, they somewhat try together though.

I want it to end now, the pain, i need to either die or live without pain. I need her to reject me or accept me. I am falling in between the huge cliff, trying to hold the weak branches, but they are all slipping away, and no rope seems to come my way. I want to get up, or fall down and die, the falling is hell, it makes my heartbeat crazy, changes me too much, I lose myself in fear. 

I need to either die, or live.

                                                            *******

May be that is what it is. You have always wanted to be left alone. And here you are, Alone. Not that you want to be alone, not that you need to stay alone, not that you love being alone, not even that you hate being alone. But, thats how it is. You are alone. Stay alone, speak with yourself or get bored. Be with your true self or overthink. 

Thats the best thing, you yourself get to judge you, and by that you can become a better person. 

Its high time that you learn to be this way. Stay this way, and no one will judge you. Stay this way, and you will know yourself a bit better. Stay this way and you would not feel 'Alone' even if you are.

  

The sun had set.

The mountains looked high. High enough for me to think that they are unreachable. I sat there, looking at those vast snowcaped peaks wondering the avalanche that might be happening. The winds felt weak, moving slowly, as if they were tired by the journey they took from those peaks, to a lesser height where I was sitting, staring at the trees on the mountains opposite me.

I looked down, then looked up in the next glance.

I was scared of height. 

Rather, I was scared of falling from the height.

As I felt the slow wind on my face, I thought how people are known to be scared of the wrong things,

I wondered, no one is scared of something. What they are scared of, is the consequence those “ somethings” can have.

I was waiting for the sun to set, but stood up, realising that the sun had set long ago when I was busy doing something else.

Does’nt matter how much I wanted it, it is not going to come back. The sun, had set behind those mighty hills.

I thought, just like those mountains are going to stand still, proud of what they are, proud of where they were, I am going to stay here too, always thinking that those mountains are too high for me to reach.

But the sun had set, before I could realise, and it was a matter of the night till I have to wait.

Only, I wish that the nights were’nt so dark and cold.

Betraying loyalty

Making himself comfortable on the sofa he started to look at her mother. He had always felt proud looking at her, not only for him but, even for his friends, his mom was so pretty. Not being able to keep his legs on the floor he decided to put his legs on the center table, provided his mom was looking somewhere else and not at him. Being fortunate enough his mom was looking outside the window of their house. So, as he kept his both legs on the table it reminded him of his dad. His dad always does that, and he at present is enjoying himself being in place of his dad’s and doing the same thing.

As he turned on his favorite cartoon, sipped his milk, and making an effort he kept the glass back to the table without getting down from the sofa. Just like his father do. As the animated characters inside the television screamed his mom looked at him, rather admired him. He thought that he was just a minute away from getting a scolding for keeping his legs on the center table, but this seemed a very nice day for James. He still now remembers that how he was embarrassed when he misunderstood gems with James and demanded a changing in his name by his father.

Tears were rolling down her mother’s beautiful eyes. Not even she realized it till now, but as she saw her child looking at her, she smiled carefully making sure that it does not looks fake.

James was doing his favorite drawing of a rocket and he heard his dad coming. He saw from the little gap that the door had. His mother hugged his dad and started to cry. She was crying so hard and his father was holding her just as tight as a hero. He was enough matured not to go into the room at that moment.

Engrossing in his drawing, he suddenly heard, when all was just fine, but all of a sudden.

“We have to get rid of the thing, let’s not waste any time.” His father’s voice said.

He wondered what the thing was. Was it a new car? A new mobile that, his father was talking about. He was convinced that it was something that was of no importance to him. Still, being responsible enough, he tried to hear more of the conversation.

“Let’s keep him, I don’t think we should do that, more over that will affect me, really a lot” his mother told, as if out of pain.

Till now he was sure that the argument, may be was for some totally different thing, but he started to feel bad and an unknown reason behind.

“I do not think we can afford the child now, so let’s get rid of the thing” he shouted, his father.

His mother yelled at the comment that he made.

“You won’t ever understand this, the child, I love him, maybe we love him.”

“Are you going to get rid of the child? Abort it for god, please don’t make this happen.” This time his father was calm.

He was terrified, thinking that he was going to go somewhere else, most importantly; his father was the one who wanted him to go. He did not know the word abort. He felt as if the word meant to throw out of the house or something else.

More calm than he was in his entire life. His father told making no special efforts, “You really should kill him”

He started to cry, he felt unsecured, felt as if he was already killed and even felt the worst because he was going to be killed by his parents.

He cried, he thought, he shouted in his mind but could not go and ask them about his. Thought, that he would get killed just any minute now.

He wrote a simple letter to his parents, thanking them for taking care of him till now. Having no clue about pregnancy, he took out this decision. Passing his dad he went to the balcony, he thought that he might get a nice scolding but, unfortunately nothing of that sort happened. He was too concerned for his parents to not let them do such a crime as killing a person that too their own son.

As her mother saw him falling down from the 16^th floor balcony, she found the later James wrote, and went running but it was too late.

Dear mom and dad,

                               I love you. I know you both love me too; there might be some reason why dad wants to kill me. I have no problem with that. I knew this is not easy for you. Do you remember once you told that anyone will die if he/she falls from this balcony?

Please do not worry.

-James.

Waiting for long?

“Should I go and ask that girl why is she waiting?” he asked me with a mischievous smile.

“kabir? You know what? Do whatever you want to” I acted as if I was angry. This was the only trick he knew when he sensed that I was angry.  In a second I forgot why I was angry and I started to recall that day. The day we met.

Sixth months back…..

As I quarreled with my mom I stood under the shade of the bus stop waited for Mr. “good boy” to come and pick me up. I didn’t even know him. He was a complete stranger for me and she literally forced me to go and meet him. She knew that I hated arranged marriages and I had no intention to meet the guy but I was standing under the summer sun and arguing with my mom.

“If the boy is so good then why don’t you marry him yourself?” I hanged up the phone as I told her.

I wondered will the man come. According to my mom he knew me he saw my picture. Of course I had his picture too but I was too arrogant to even look at his photo and now I know what the consequence is. People were passing by me and I was looking blackly at them as if he would come and at least apologize for being nearly one hour late.

I looked at my phone I had 4 missed calls from my mom but I didn’t care to call her back. As I, again searched for a good looking guy. A man came. He was wearing a black shirt, handsome indeed, and in a Harley Davidson.

“Waiting for long Angana?” he asked me.

“What do you expect? I am punctual unlike some people.” I thought that was really rude. That was the first line I said when I met him. I saw my mom was calling and I was sure enough that she wanted me to say that I will marry the boy she chose for me. So I ignored her call again.

“So? Where should we go?” he asked me.

“Anywhere you want to take me to” I said to him, and regretted that I was over sweet.

We had our lunch full of silence and mysteries. He was a good guy, and a gentleman but I was not ready to marry him just because my mom told me.

I liked him. He dropped me home and we exchanged our phone numbers. As I opened the door my mom was sitting idle in the dining table. As she saw me, she quickly came to me and asked me was I okay. Obviously I was fine, more than just fine.

“I am so sorry dear, where were you? He could not make it today.” My mom told.

“What do you mean? Kabir came and we had our lunch I was with him the whole day.” I explained her.

“Who is kabir? I am talking about kunal.” She asked me surprisingly.

It was clear to me. I met someone else named kabir, and got confused by the name kunal and thought he was the boy my mom chose for me.

Present day……

I was going to smile as he started to laugh.

“Yes, I was such a flirt, in fact I am such a flirt till date” Kabir laughingly told.

“Isn’t it pure luck that you saw me that day, and asked me why was I waiting. From that little misunderstanding you became my life Kabir. You love me a lot right?” I asked him.

“Yes dear, a lot” he told me as he kissed my hands.

I saw my mom coming, I wanted to marry kabir, I was dating him for six months and I wanted my mom to meet him.

“Hi, kabir, you were just so right about her.” She came and told him.

I was surprised rather shocked, my mom never met kabir yet she knew him. They both broke off laughing. I was sitting like a dumb fool watching them and finding the identity of my fiancée.

“How can you be so cute?” he asked me.

“Please kabir what’s going on” I asked him.

“Waiting for long Angana?” he asked me again and kept looking at me.

I have never felt any more insulted and stupid than this. Now I know why my mom told me that she don’t have the picture of kunal anymore when I asked her about it. Kunal was an imaginary figure. Kabir was the guy I found for myself which was only I thought, he was guy my mom found for me and did a little bit of drama for my sake. As I held kabir’s hand I murmured, “ I love you mom”.

Like she was

            I would have never been any more happier than being late to my office, everyday. Until that day came, the day I passed her, I tried to be punctual to my office every day since I met her on the day when I was almost an hour late I started being punctually late to my office for ‘almost an hour’. She made me punctual but at the same time I was late every day to my office. Even after those threats from my boss I felt good, and enough strong to be late for another day. A simple look at her, made me realise myself. She completed me as if.

      Late as usual, I took a turn which was no unusual thing for me but taking the turn on that day on that hour of the day on that minute of the hour and on that second of the minute made me see her for the first time. I could not believe or I didn't know that how was she so beautiful. She was a fairy waiting on the roads on a sunny day. Every day after that, I went to see her on the same time at the same place. I admired her and prayed for the Red lights to be Red as long as it can, and in the meanwhile I admired her. She was someone I know, someone I have loved for years. Finally one day she looked at me, maybe she noticed that I admire her everyday and that day she looked at me. I waved her my hand and she waved me back cheerfully.

         Every single day I wanted to talk to her and hug her and show that I loved her so much and I won’t ever leave her for the world. Something inside me told me not to do so. I fought with that something and finally I convinced myself. I would not deny that I was scared, she doesn't even know me and I was buying chocolates for her. I read somewhere that all girls loved chocolates so I dropped my idea for something else. For me chocolates were risk free gift to give.

    I was a bit early today, I was standing there, it was 3 hours late for my office and I noticed that I was still standing in the same place and I finished the chocolate. I decided to go to my house. It was not for my boss that I was going to my house (he rarely told me something these days, which was because I worked hard even though I was late everyday) but I was tensed for her.  She was not there for me for the first time, the day I wanted to meet her, the day that was planned by me and the date fixed from days.

        She was not there the second day, neither she was there on the third day. Days passed by and I waited for her. Just once to meet her was all I wanted. My life became restless without her my days became numb. There was no excitement in work nor there any while going to work. I was not late these days; my boss was so happy that he offered me a raise. My life was back to square one.

         I saw her, and I was sure that it was not a hallucination. Today, there was no Red light and as I swiftly passed the place I saw her standing. I stopped the car and got off it. I saw that the bus came and she was going to get on it. I started to run, my sunglasses went off I did not care to pick it up she was much more dear to me. I pushed so many and fell on people but I did not stop running. As she was going to get up on her school bus I screamed out loud, ‘WAIT’. She looked at me and got off the bus, I don’t have chocolates to offer, and just love was there to offer, true and unlimited love. I took her on my arms and hugged her. “I love you”, was all I could say.

“I missed you daddy, can we now meet regularly?” she asked me with much excitement.

I was not sure how to give the answer, the order was of the high court that I cannot meet her without the permission of Maya my ex wife. 10 years went by, I never met my daughter. I saw her last when she was just 1 years and 1 day, inside the courtroom as I struggled for getting a hug from my daughter against the policemen.

I saw Maya behind me. I had no choice but to leave.  

Viasmos

This word in the English language is not possible to pronounce after the tragedies that are taking place one after another, especially in west Bengal. The thing has become more like an accident to the people. They have started to take precautions against it but they fail to stand against it. Decades ago, India was made an independent country and the reason behind were many, hundreds, thousands, lakhs. Their dream was of a free India. They were successful in getting their goal. The situation today was unknown. Some of the people are free, they are independent and they are doing anything they want to. Some are being tortured; they cannot even walk safely on the streets or trust someone. The later are the women and the girls, and the former are a few hungry men fulfilling their desire. They are a few, a very less number in the total population of India, yet so powerful than the rest of the population. 

    

          Social networking sites were made to use them socially and mix with people and make friends.

They are now used as a threat to the girls and to search for victims.

           Some hypocrite boys starting a conversation on “HOKKOLOROB”    

     Innocent faces come in front of them.

They find the right time, right people and even the plan to get out of it.

They rape two girls of 15 years.

They threat to public their objectionable photographs, if complained to the police.

They leave them after fulfilling their desire.

These boys are also a part of the young India, the youths of India but unfortunately. Millions of youths are proving themselves incapable of fighting with just four boys.

Death penalty would be so less for them, simple painless death will be just a free way to escape.

We have to remember every incident, forgetting them will make them repeat the same thing. We have to keep reminding ourselves and everyone else about it, and millions of curse will shatter them into pieces. They should not die once but a thousand times until they realize for what they are dying. They should live but just as a machine and not as a human being. They must not have any rights as social human beings when they are incapable to recognize other’s rights.

Stand against “Viasmos” fight against “Viastis”.