One fine day

The winds blew as she kept dancing to the rythm of the winds. I looked at her for a second, and had to remove my eyes immediately, what if I cannot move my eyes at the right time?

The clouds became black, it started to drizzle. She got wet and looked incredibly beautiful just like always. Once again, just like everyday I fell for her, and once again I could not gather the courage to tell her. Tell her that I love her with all that I have, tell her that I would never let you go, but I did let her go today too. Once again, I promised myself to gather the courage to love her, to hold her in my arms and not let her go ever again. Someday, again, when the clouds will be black again, someday when she will be there with me, someday when my heart will ache enough to let the love come out from my heart. I promise, someday, I will.

        

                                                              *******

  

One fine day, we might fall apart; have no contact with each other. 

Neither will there be any eye contacts or embarassing smiles, things won’t be the same, pulling your hair won’t be that easy after/if we meet a decade later. I won’t blame anyone of us, I will rather, just be happy that I met you, and will be grateful that I was a part of your life, part of such a cute, innocent, human relationship one can ever embrace with so much ease and I will smile because it happened.

 I will feel grateful enough to be a part of you. Nothing remains constant, but still, you turned out to be the best thing anyone could ever have. May be one fine day we will never talk again, it will be a lie if I say it won’t hurt.

More than a luxury, you have turned out to be a necessity. You are that one glass of water that I need to sustain my life every day.

And every time I fall, you hold my hand tight enough to make me stand straight. Just like you are there for me I am there for you too. It’s not like I’ll die without you, but that I will be much better with you. And the only day I fear is the day of losing you forever.

But, one thing keeps us going, is how we love each other with our eyes open, and not blindfolded. And whatever we have, trust me, it’s too ahead of time, and it’s too good to even have a label.

                                                         *********

Waiting for her never felt like waiting.

I stand in the exact place, listening to songs and waiting for her.

There were some rare times when I was late.

As I was walking, I saw her from a distance. I was late, but I stood there to look at her.

The morning golden sun fell on her hair, making her even more pretty.

Doesn’t matter if she ties her hair, keep it open, wears a dress, or just a t-shirt and denims. She looked incredible.

I do this a lot. The days when I am late, I stand, and look at her.

Look at her standing, listening to songs and mildly dancing on the tune in the busy street.

“ You are late.”

She made angry eyes at me, making her even more cute.

“ I am not late, you are just early.”

I said.

“ Anyways” I knew what she would say.

“ Its not anyways, its anyway, just like anyhow...”

My usuals that I always say.

“ Doesn’t matter, okay?

Tell me I look pretty!!”

She said.

“ You look shitty.”

She knew I actually said something else in my mind.

As I booked the cab, I thought.

She is like that wind before the heavy rain, the sweet wind that make you feel special, make you live in the fairy tale, make up your mood even if you want to die that very moment.

I was like the boring rain without wind.

Raining, pouring water without any purpose.

The wind made the rain much more beautiful, the rain that made you feel special, made you feeli yourself in a fairy tale.

I went on telling her how much I hate her, and how shitty did she looked.

                                                              *******

 There she was, far away from me. I saw her, looked at her. It started with a smile, it was heaven to look into her eyes and smile a bit more. It was something else, staring at her and wanting to stare more. She was kind, one, who could make you happy just by the way she smiles at you, or by the way she waves at you. Her silliest jokes could make you cry of laughter. It wasn’t a difficult task to fall for her, to want her. Conversations became intense, feelings became deeper. So deep, that I never knew that I was drowning in that, everyday a bit more.

Again, it all ended with that smile, waving goodbye to me.

I realised, it was a fairytale, and fairy tales do not happen.

Avalanche

I am like those leaves that fall from the tree, they look beautiful but yet no one takes me home, they crush me with their feet just to hear the crushing sound, they move me aside to make themselves way, they brush me away so that my crushed pieces does not make the tree look bad. Yet, the tree stays in its place, strong, bold, steady, just to make sure more leaves come out of it. For you to crush it.
                               
                                                            ******

It happens every night, the nights are the worst part. The days pass, with so called, "happiness" on my face. My heart knows how it has been bleeding, not because she is not talking to me, but i am the reason that made our relationship toxic today. I have made it so toxic that there is still the hangover, its just not going away, the crocin seems to be too weak to handle it, the beer can’t do anything alone, neither the cigarette, they somewhat try together though.

I want it to end now, the pain, i need to either die or live without pain. I need her to reject me or accept me. I am falling in between the huge cliff, trying to hold the weak branches, but they are all slipping away, and no rope seems to come my way. I want to get up, or fall down and die, the falling is hell, it makes my heartbeat crazy, changes me too much, I lose myself in fear. 

I need to either die, or live.

                                                            *******

May be that is what it is. You have always wanted to be left alone. And here you are, Alone. Not that you want to be alone, not that you need to stay alone, not that you love being alone, not even that you hate being alone. But, thats how it is. You are alone. Stay alone, speak with yourself or get bored. Be with your true self or overthink. 

Thats the best thing, you yourself get to judge you, and by that you can become a better person. 

Its high time that you learn to be this way. Stay this way, and no one will judge you. Stay this way, and you will know yourself a bit better. Stay this way and you would not feel 'Alone' even if you are.

  

The sun had set.

The mountains looked high. High enough for me to think that they are unreachable. I sat there, looking at those vast snowcaped peaks wondering the avalanche that might be happening. The winds felt weak, moving slowly, as if they were tired by the journey they took from those peaks, to a lesser height where I was sitting, staring at the trees on the mountains opposite me.

I looked down, then looked up in the next glance.

I was scared of height. 

Rather, I was scared of falling from the height.

As I felt the slow wind on my face, I thought how people are known to be scared of the wrong things,

I wondered, no one is scared of something. What they are scared of, is the consequence those “ somethings” can have.

I was waiting for the sun to set, but stood up, realising that the sun had set long ago when I was busy doing something else.

Does’nt matter how much I wanted it, it is not going to come back. The sun, had set behind those mighty hills.

I thought, just like those mountains are going to stand still, proud of what they are, proud of where they were, I am going to stay here too, always thinking that those mountains are too high for me to reach.

But the sun had set, before I could realise, and it was a matter of the night till I have to wait.

Only, I wish that the nights were’nt so dark and cold.